Oh, I'm loving writing this novel. Here's a picture of me doing it.
I woke up at 4.30 with characters nibbling at me. (Well, I guess I should look on the bright side and be grateful that something was having a go at me!!) I lay there and drifted till 5.20, then gave up, got up and switched on the computer. Maybe I'm still a little sleepy, but a 5.20 - 6.10 ability to get onto the internet and onto Word seems a tad slow to me. Lord knows I'm no computer expert, but methinks the kids have downloaded something that has constipated my computer. By 5.40 I was swearing black and blue that I was going to dash down to the computer shop and get my own laptop. I'd hide it from the kids and dust it for their fingerprints every other day and laugh maniacally as I watch them cry in front of this bloody slow old crock of a thing. Then I thought maybe I could kill the kids, get a computer guy to give the computer an enema and then I'd save myself a couple of grand. (I'm on a frugality kick, remember?)
But now I'm happy. The kids can live. I can't remember what I was going to write, but that's ok. It was going to be brilliant and those words were going to live forever in the annals of Great Literature Of The World And Indeed The Universe, but never mind. I'm sure it'll come back to me. Meanwhile Scott has scooted ahead of me in his word count. I cannot let this continue....
My year 12 kids have their English and ESL exams today. Whoopee!!!!! Yesterday my office was wall to wall kids brandishing practise essays under my nose and having mini meltdowns of anxiety. They all left convinced of their genius. Without fail, the day before the exam, the words each kid hears is something along the lines of...
"Wow, these essays are some of the best things you've done this year. I'm so happy that you've peaked at just the right time. If you're writing like this now, you're going to cope with the exam just fine. Maybe there's a couple of things you could look at...(insert minor instruction here such as :add a little quote after your topic sentence to back up your opinion; use more emotive words in your persuasive piece; spell Hamlet's name correctly... that sort of thing), but they're easy to keep in mind. Go home, get a good night's sleep and I'll see you tomorrow." Big smile, couple of pats on the shoulder.
Translation from teacher talk is:
"Wow, I'm surprised to see you here. You haven't worked all year. It's too late to suddenly decide to learn to write an essay the day before the exam, but at least it shows you've hit a peak. I'm not saying how big this peak is, but you've written an essay of your volition, so good on you. The essay shows that you've at least read the text, or possibly just watched the movie, so you have a sporting chance in the exam of at least writing something that won't make a fool of both of us. Here's an instruction or two so that you feel the effort of climbing into school uniform and walking to school during swot vac wasn't a waste of time, but frankly at this stage of the year, you've got to go with what you already know. Go with God, my son/daughter." (put sign of the cross over them even though I'm not Catholic.)
All of my good kids have been in to see me, but they tend to be organised and come in before the hysterical brigade arrive. The best quote from a practise essay this year surprisingly comes from one of my best kids....
"When the ghost of Hamlet's father exposed himself to Hamlet...."
Phew! No wonder Hamlet was so traumatised for the rest of the play.