Sunday, October 21, 2007

Treasure hunt in the dark.

Something happened tonight that was really gross, but also funny. Especially if you're a parent on a frugality kick, such as myself.

It was a quiet weekend in the Frogdancer household. The children were at their fathers, and I used the time for some gentle pottering around and some mild housecleaning. I threw out some raw pet meat that the animals weren't eating, knitted some more of the afghan (ahhh, the afghan), did the vacuuming and ate lollies. It was during this domesticity that I noticed to my annoyance that Connor had left his dental plate out of the case. I had an empty case, but no $350 plate. I tutt-tutted, and resolved to ask him to locate it when he arrived home.

My annoyance expressed itself in rather high decibels when he confessed that he had no idea where it could be. He searched high and low, somewhat more thoroughly when I told him that he'd be the one paying for the next one. Still nothing. I heard him say to Brennan, "I remember wrapping it in tissues...."

When he said that, I remembered that during my domesticity day I threw out a pile of tissues that were left on the bureau, while muttering about the slovenly, lazy kids I owned. I went up to him, and said, "If you think you might've wrapped it up, you've got to let me know now. The rubbish bin is out the front, and tomorrow it'll be too late."

The kid had no idea. He's not very bright.

So there we were, three of us out on the front lawn with a wheely bin, a torch and a dream. When I mention that it was over 30 degrees Celsius today, and there was raw meat in a garbage bag.... I don't think I have to elaborate on the smell. I ripped open two garbage bags. Nothing. It wasn't looking good. But underneath the pile of weeds I'd pulled from the veggie patch I could see another bag. Dry retching, I pulled it free, ripped it open with a flourish to reveal..... maggots. Hundreds of 'em. Writhing in maggotty delight in the torchlight, all over the pet meat. Brennan was nearly sick.

But I was not to be deterred. (I did think about it though.) I gingerly poked and prodded bits of rubbish that looked to be maggot free, and there it was! A lump of tissues. I picked it out, shook off anything that needed to be shaken off, and felt the outside. There was definitely something in there. "Oh no," said Connor. "Not from this bag..."

I was happy. I looked like this.

Connor looked like this.

Half an hour of vigorous disinfecting and scrubbing with toothpaste later, it was in his mouth.
I don't think he'll be so careless again.
And I saved $350!!!!


thebutcherswife said...

ROFL i love your stories keep them coming!

Frogdancer said...

What a lovely comment to read after I've finished work.

lightening said...

I am sooooooooooooooo glad I waited until after I'd eaten tea to read this!!!!!!! You're a braver woman than me!

Kelley said...

Lucky you Lightening, I am just about to eat. well I was.....

But this made me laugh cause it sounds like something that would happen here!

Oh and thanks for your thoughts on my blog re adding to the family :)

I Knit London said...

fantastic story! I'm glad you found your treasure.